Dear Tye,

I talk with Mom every day about how nice it would be to hear from you. A text, an email, anything just to hear that you’re okay with everything. I read what people post on your Facebook wall. I’ve left it open. (Surprise! I have your passwords!) Some pretty nice things are up there. You should read them if you get a chance. I can’t bring myself to write anything. Nothing seems real unless I wrote “You’re a dork!” or “Quit being such a turd!” Yes, I still realize I need new material. I also know you refused to read the blog because of me living in Hawaii and all. By the way, did you really have to go a ruin the good thing I had going over here? Can’t look at anything quite the same now that I can’t say, “When Tye gets here…” Anyway, there are some things on my mind that I thought you’d like to hear about.

I’m pretty pissed at you. Arleigh and LJ broke up. How exactly am I supposed to get three girls through high school without having you around to text them when they won’t talk to me? Who gets to write, “Tell him I have a truck, a shovel and a gun”? I guess I’m going to have to jump in the pond with them and I’m not good at driving the mule or taking fish off of hooks. Just know they miss you, even more  than I ever thought they would. They still pray for you at dinner.

Jack is talking more. Holy crap, his shots seem to be working too if you know what I mean. You left before you could have any sort of idea about how well he’s doing. At the funeral home I had to give him his leap pad because I didn’t think I could stand to hear “Tye Tye why sleeping?” one more time. I know you weren’t sleeping well. I’m happy that you are finally getting some rest but seriously, you took it too far this time!

I’ve had more texts from Dainey Boy in the last month than I have had my entire life. I think you could say you’ve left a void there. It’s one that I can not possibly fill. I’m just not that funny. We have on the other hand recently discussed New Edition and the possibility of him coming to Hey Way I.

I was really worried about Mom. I still am. She is so much stronger than she gives herself credit for. Maybe she’s turned the corner a little. Speaking of Mom, that would be another reason I’m pissed. I thought the deal was, you were there while Ray is in the navy. Then, it could be my turn. I should have known better! Really, leaving was hard this time. I feel pretty helpless to help her from this stupid rock most days. Some days I think I make it worse. You aren’t there to insist on eating at Pasta House or Jasmines. She’s cooped up and won’t leave. If you can, give her a nudge would you? Let her know that her grandkids still depend on her and I still depend on her. Apparently you were the only she listened too. For the life of me, I don’t know why.

I didn’t get to tell you that I saw Gabe at the funeral. Misti and Kelly post pictures of him all the time. He’s a happy boy now. I’m forever grateful to them. Hanan was so worried about Gabriel. I went to see him and he kissed me. Actually he licked me from the bottom of my chin to the top of my head. I think I made Brent laugh when I looked up and said, “How many happy pills has he had?” I can’t believe he didn’t try to eat me.

Guess who got to go through your stuff? That’s right. It was all me… well, me and Ray and Dain. I can’t believe you kept this.

 

Please know I still want to throttle you. I’m wondering if sisters are allowed at least one more beat down in heaven. When it’s my time, I dare you to step outside the gate just for a minute. I can’t believe you did this to all of us. See, you even ruined Duck Dynasty for me. I didn’t think that was possible. We were watching it last night. I thought about you texting me EVERY SINGLE THING SI SAYS. No one would be sending me a note about heifers this morning. I watched Si stand with his cup. I thought about you standing grinning from ear to ear with a red solo cup and a paper towel shoved down in it. You are so gross! You were supposed to be 70 with dreadlocks making my kids roll their fool eyes. Now all they get is stories.

You are a turd Tye Jackson! I love you.

B